A longing for the doors to open – with a gentle creak
My yearning to see the stillness in me disrupted
The wait for the rustle of things being moved around
Oh the sweat to see changes unchanging matters of the heart
All these days I had waited..
With bated breath and without batting an eyelid
All these days I had hoped against hope
For the skies to open and me to elope
I might’ve staggered in the silence
Or played along in the stillness
But i did wait -
With bated breath and without batting an eyelid
Will the walls be just the same? If my scribbling were to be cleared
New paints to adorn it, new wall hangings appeared
Will the doors be just the same? If the dust was dusted
The polish to shine through, old name boards ousted
Will the floors be just the same? If the mess was to be cleaned up
New floor mats for the décor or did new foot prints turn up?
Will the smile be just the same? If the spark in the eyes was to fade
New crinkles round the corner as endless seasons it tries to evade…
Will it ever be just the same…???
He drew a circle that shut me out —
Heretic, rebel, a thing to flout.
But Love and I had the wit to win:
We drew a circle that took him in.
Our ways go wide and I know not whither,
But my song will search through the worlds for you,
Till the Seven Seas waste and the Seven Stars wither,
And the dream of the heart comes true.
I will find you there where our low life heightens,
Where the door of the Wonder again unbars,
Where the old love lures and the old fire whitens,
In the Stars behind the stars
My voice would reach out to the deafest ears,
my tears would melt the hardest rocks
Yet the silence previals with pain,
until u strike these chords…
The fire in your eyes had frozen me
When I fumbled for words before you
When my mind stopped still…
And lips froze like in winter eve
Oh the warmth in ur eyes had burnt me
From inside, leaving me empty
Like a cocoon. Not knowing if I should
Mourn my solitude or celebrate
The life that just flooded out of me!
An attempt at a short story…!!!
Is it easy she asked…throwing it all away? Her gaze fixed on his face. What do u mean? I’m just moving on – was his reply. She skirted the issue within her mind. Was it that easy to buy, use and sell things sans any emotions attached? The memories of the trips together and the days he mustve spent wandering in that car! Those rooms and that space..Their time together…will it be the same anymore?
Was it as easy as a fairy tale to tell and vanish? He dint want to “TALK” about it..waste time on trivia like these. She would do all the emotional war she could for anything and everything and he dint have time for that! He tilted his head ever so slightly to see if the girl opposite to his flat came to her mirror placed so conveniently near the window. She usually did around this time. OHH shit it’s time for those documentation work, that deal is to be sealed today, he had a thousand ‘to-be done’ things and rushed on his way..while she couldn’t get over the shock of how inanimate things remain..inanimate to guys….
Four years…had passed since they said goodbye to each other. She had moved on..She looked pretty with the her sleekness attempting a curve on being a new mom. A miniature form of herself her daughter was!…he thought. Was it easy? Moving on? He wanted to ask. But he knew it would but be taken as nothing but words with a sting as she always termed it. He wished he could teach her….guys probably threw “inanimate” stuffs when statistically it’s been proven that girls have thrown away much more “animated” men in their lives….
He smiled at her happiness the warmth with which she held her girl and the coziness with which she leaned on her husband’s shoulder. Suddenly he wasn’t in a hurry to make those papers and close those deals!
The evening sun..caught my smile
A slow walk and a dreamy gaze
Accepting reality, limitations and flaws
Humbled, I take a momentary pause
Between the smiles, laughter and chaos
The sojourn..somehow always reminds me…
Painful memories of moments of glee
I work for an SAP related company. you know..we replace “legacy systems” with up-to-date SAP products to give you a “real-time” insight of the “pulse” of the market?
That pretty much sums up the world here. I seem to have been in a well elsewhere. When people here think the same of themselves. I differ. They have taught me a lot in this one year. What probably Infosys and IBM and the lovely creative agency in Mumbai dint. To each his own..probably each bit of our lifetime provides us invaluable lessons. A pinch of salt to the elixir of life…each one of them would have added.
Why do I then take this above all? I dont know! But I did learn quite a lot…in too brief a timespan. I was shaken from my wonderworld of words and wordsworth. It seemed like a clearing in the forest that I would have never noticed if I wasnt in this company…in “their company”.
Work had just been a pay cheque to meet some loans. To exist, to eat and then exercise to digest what I overate! Life was just smiling and breathing and probably crying for endless emotions. But then I was questioned ironically by the most gentle human beings you could ever imagine – on what good things awaited me. Before I could crib or cry that nothing did..before I could point fingers at anyone around me – I was pointed out quite harshly..again ironically by the most gentle souls on earth – that if i fell short..the fault was none but mine. If I woke up in the morning to train my brain for a train of thoughts that had nothing but bread, butter and bucks to pay off bills in it – All I could wait for is nothing but – the same train.
I was pointed out that in the scheme of bigger things…I was to tie myself to bigger responsibilities – If i were to dream not just to breathe but to live life large, I ought to chart my plans and build the route – not just hop on to a wagon that came whistling my way.
That I was to believe and work to bring the belief to life. Here’s a toast to all those who feel they are in that wagon of mine. Where its wonderful to dream and have coffee and wish things would work out like how it did for Alice or Cindrella. “A kiss of reality is not as beautiful as you would have imagined – the passion might bruise you…but the sweetness would linger..only if you loved back”.
“Serendipity” – had always loved the word before I knew its meaning….But i never knew my “good luck” that Id discover you in one of the lowest moments of my life.
Pain has unlimited powers. Yes indeed it is a construct of the mind. But the mind constructs it to an extent of sharpness – that it can either slit your throat or hone you to perfection. Well that craft lies entirely in your hands…I observed.
If you can sit back without self pity and just look at it – you can see the knife pointed towards you. If its the veil of self pity you chose to wear, Im sorry to say this – but it will definitely hurt you, ..unfortunate thing is – you may get killed.
If you can look at it – parting your own image – The pain as such…as the weapon…trust me…your tears can water the sapling of your choice. It’s a different debate altogether – of what you nurture and what it will grow up to be. But that the same tears that can exhaust your very being of all energy – can actually give all the energy for a new life to grow…is a fact!
Those tears of yours has infinite powers. Let no one or nothing fool you with the triviality of the tears – They aint my friend!
I resume my position a little far from them and smile at them- those drops of power. They have purged me, taught me and still stay there for me to pick them up and hone myself! I am reminded of some bird in some old folklore – but neyy am not wallowing in sorrow…
Yea the pain – is there – definitely there! and ohh THE pain it is!!!!