Lure of the past

There are some moments that you create..you just imagine them. They weren’t there in the first instance..they are just the creative outcome of your thoughts, aspirations..dreams and then u claim you lost them! You crib of being robbed of them

Im a practical Libran and seldom cry over spilt milk? A watch that was spoilt 2 months after it was bought, a mobile that was lost, a glass that broke, something that was stolen..nothing can bother me beyond a point. I might say a oh and uff! But not more than that. I guess its coz I know they are gone..no amount of worry, panicking or tears can bring them back. Eby at times say its coz I don’t value money. It isn’t that ways, it is coz I value the peace and good moments more I guess. If I cant bring back a mobile that’s lost, there’s no point in crying over it for another 2 days which will result in nothing good!

But there are certain things I cling on to, the silly talks the light walks. The rides before you decide on the destination and endless arguments. Now when these actually happen, you probably wouldn’t notice..I dint as to how beautiful it might appear later. Or was it beautiful in the first place at all? I don’t know whether the pleasure I associate with them actually existed. But I know that now when I’m deprived of such carefree moments, I appreciate and even fret over them more than anything.

Life in a hostel, with pathetic food that was served on your plates after a long queue, the grab for the evening snacks, the last minute realization of semester exams portions..were not one bit beautiful then. But now, they seem so beautiful. We used to eat achaar!! As they was nothing else to eat! But now, apples turn sour!

Somewhere I read nostalgia is a seductive liar. I guess I agree with it. There was nothing great about it then, all the moments I today regret that I lost. But now, when I look back everything seems so charming. Even a simple walk in my backyard seems so tranquil now.

They just did not exist you know, those pleasures I imagine up in every trivial moments in the past! But I fret over the loss of it. It is hilarious! It is insane, but that’s what I do and that is what’s true. I crib with my todays for having deprived me of yesterdays that did not exist. I live till tomorrow just to yearn for this today and this moment which is not so pleasing, but which I will imagine to be splendid! So the cycle continues…