Verbivorehere's Weblog

Reflections on Reality!

An emotional trek..

I guess Im back to blogging…atleast better than before..! There is some correlation between office time and your social activities :). Having net at home just doesnt give you the mood to write something..;)

Have set things behind and moved on. It was a leap I was not really prepared for. One night’s talks, emotional upsurge, monster, interview and lo! Im now back to work with my 8 month old at home. You will be surprised how such a small thing, who can hardly do anything but smile and wail..can turn your life upside down..! Or..is it just me?

Work, creative challenges, friends and fun..everything seemed negligible all these days when i had almost completely hibernated for him. Now, out of the blue, when I had to come leaving him to the maid, its me and not him who’s missing out on everything. I can trace my emotions taking a small trip down the lane..thinking of how I was abandoned before by dears and how I might lose him to the daily grind.

Emotional intelligence is something Im yet to master, not that Ive mastered everything else..but this tops the list. Clinging on to those moments, tears for trivia and the scare for todays practicality makes me incompetent for the very life here. Friendships when they fade they have always left a scar in me. Reality never fails to shock me.

Today when I look back, it was easy for my bumchum to stop writing and gradually forget me, it was easy for my siblings to accept that I’ve moved out of the family, it was easy for some to ignore and yet some others to hate. Not one bit was easy for me. Each bond had taken its toll on me. Each statement that you are dear..did not fade without drawing a tear.

Today when I let go those wee little hands, a thousand thoughts haunt me..I was prepared and kept new bonds at the bay, knowing my emotional quotient. But this took me by surprise!..I had no other choice but drown deep in his innocence, to pride in his dependance, to adore his beauty and to admire his actions.  Now, when I leave him back with a hurried kiss and a hug, Im taken back to those days..when friends and family found it easy to let me fade..

I wasnt stubborn to prove my existence.anytime..anywhere.., but once drawn I was scared of the erasing that took place eventually…

PS: Ths post is not n the least meant for people like vimmuuu 😛 😛

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June 18, 2010 Posted by | Uncategorized | 16 Comments