Verbivorehere's Weblog

Reflections on Reality!

The Sojourn

The evening sun..caught my smile

Waving good byes to the moving wheels               DSC_0561

A slow walk and a dreamy gaze

Accepting reality, limitations and flaws

Humbled, I take a momentary pause

Between the smiles, laughter and chaos

The sojourn..somehow always reminds me…

Painful memories of moments of glee

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March 3, 2013 Posted by | Uncategorized | 3 Comments

Serendipity…

I work for an SAP related company. you know..we replace “legacy systems” with up-to-date SAP products to give you a “real-time” insight of the “pulse” of the market?

That pretty much sums up the world here. I seem to have been in a well elsewhere. When people here think the same of themselves. I differ. They have taught me a lot in this one year. What probably Infosys and IBM and the lovely creative agency in Mumbai dint. To each his own..probably each bit of our lifetime provides us invaluable lessons. A pinch of salt to the elixir of life…each one of them would have added.

Why do I then take this above all? I dont know! But I did learn quite a lot…in too brief a timespan. I was shaken from my wonderworld of words and wordsworth. It seemed like a clearing in the forest that I would have never noticed if I wasnt in this company…in “their company”.

Work had just been a pay cheque to meet some loans. To exist, to eat and then exercise to digest what I overate! Life was just smiling and breathing and probably crying for endless emotions. But then I was questioned ironically by the most gentle human beings you could ever imagine – on what good things awaited me. Before I could crib or cry that nothing did..before I could point fingers at anyone around me – I was pointed out quite harshly..again ironically by the most gentle souls on earth – that if i fell short..the fault was none but mine. If I woke up in the morning to train my brain for a train of thoughts that had nothing but bread, butter and bucks to pay off bills  in it – All I could wait for is nothing but – the same train.

serendipity

I was pointed out that in the scheme of bigger things…I was to tie myself to bigger responsibilities – If i were to dream not just to breathe but to live life large, I ought to chart my plans and build the route – not just hop on to a wagon that came whistling my way.

That I was to believe and work to bring the belief to life. Here’s a toast to all those who feel they are in that wagon of mine. Where its wonderful to dream and have coffee and wish things would work out like how it did for Alice or Cindrella. “A kiss of reality is not as beautiful as you would have imagined – the passion might bruise you…but the sweetness would linger..only if you loved back”.

“Serendipity”  – had always loved the word before I knew its meaning….But i never knew my “good luck” that Id discover you in one of the lowest moments of my life.

February 26, 2013 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Power of Pain

Pain has unlimited powers. Yes indeed it is a construct of the mind. But the mind constructs it to an extent of sharpness – that it can either slit your throat or hone you to perfection. Well that craft lies entirely in your hands…I observed.

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If you can sit back without self pity and just look at it – you can see the knife pointed towards you. If its the veil of self pity you chose to wear, Im sorry to say this – but it will definitely hurt you, ..unfortunate thing is – you may get killed.

If you can look at it – parting your own image – The pain as such…as the weapon…trust me…your tears can water the sapling of your choice. It’s a different debate altogether – of what you nurture and what it will grow up to be. But that the same tears that can exhaust your very being of all energy – can actually give all the energy for a new life to grow…is a fact!

Those tears of yours has infinite powers. Let no one or nothing fool you with the triviality of the tears – They aint my friend!

I resume my position a little far from them and smile at them- those drops of power. They have purged me, taught me and still stay there for me to pick them up and hone myself! I am reminded of some bird in some old folklore – but neyy am not wallowing in sorrow…

Yea the pain – is there – definitely there! and ohh THE pain it is!!!!

November 23, 2012 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Do what you can..while you can!

Why is it that some ideas or behaviors or products start epidemics and others don’t? And what can we do to deliberately start and control positive epidemics of our own? – Malcom Gladwell.

I’m just confused. I have no idea, no sense and probably no maturity to understand what is happening. I just read and hear and see people packing from my place…leaving behind their jobs, probably with kids like mine..probably to what they call home..probably to poverty or joblessness. There may be macro views about it that I cannot comprehend or have the maturity to fathom! Pardon my ignorance, I am but just another wife…happy that my husband is working to support me and I am but just another Mom toggling between my job and home looking forward to “settle” in this place!!!

So – somewhere someone did something and my fellow folks are “threatened” to leave this place where probably they too were busy as much as me trying to “settle down”. I’m appalled at the ability of people to come together and fiercely fight “AGAINST” ANYTHING. Theres immense power – there’s this impossible “possibility” of ‘destroying’ just about anything, any system. Who would ever believe that one fine morning you can pack away an entire crowd like that? Phew! that was easy! So were there many easier things ‘achieved’ (ironically termed so) in the past!

What beats me hollow is the ‘cosmic truth’ that the frenzy and fervor is seen – if you observe- so easily and readily-ONLY for destroying a system, disrupting harmony or killing people. Such fire never was there for an uprise..for helping the needy – if it was there – it either died too soon or it never got the needed attention to spread through.

I know..my friends who read this are as equally helpless or clueless as to what to do. But where we fail is in our being the medium for the negativity than positive strength. A north east friend of mine was called by his HR to “HELP” him..by “ADVISING” him to pack his bags and be ready incase of an exigency.

What religion or what spirit or what loyalty is leading to the chaos I dont understand – when each religious book..each one of them is a literary gem of how humanity can “COEXIST” .

Probably I dont understand things going on – coz I dont have a MACRO view. But for those who do not give the strength and support to my fellow folks…Those who do not spare a minute to wonder of the trouble and trauma they are going through for some fad or fanatism..the education of many..the jobs, the financial security, the fear, the death – I wonder IF they could picture themselves in these peoples shoes..somewhere down the lane of life..wouldnt that be considered the lack of having the “MACRO” view as well?

It is NOT us – educated, people who are doing all this. But it lies in us – educated people to educate, create and control a POSITIVE EPIDEMIC. Today if we let this..Tomorrow is not far…and today if we cant control law being taken into the hands of whomever – however true they are to their cause..we are just paving way to a fearful tomorrow for ourselves and our kids.

August 18, 2012 Posted by | Uncategorized | 3 Comments

The music next door…

I have been blessed with creative people all around…Eby being a sound engineer with a filmi back ground – the “jazz” is always there…theres our friend whos a music director, friends who are exceptional singers, friends who work for resul pookutti and what not!!!

But theres this small window in my room..often neglected..as you tend to – often in apartments like mine. Close knit..walls around, windows opening to another’s privacy.. So it’s always closed – that window of mine! Except for the sunday dusting routines maybe. One such dusting day, probably I left it open…and what drifted in the next morning was least expected…

There was this ‘someone’ practicing guitar next to ma wee lill window and the music was agile enuf to seep through and bless my ears. When life is all cramped up and you unexpectedly wake up to this kinda ‘surprise, home made, music’ with  a cuppa – its a bliss unexplainable…

I wouldnt have switched on my laptop and listened to any of the new albums instead – those naive, not so perfect melodies were the ones i needed – to comfort myself that it is still beautiful and soothing for someone else – ‘your imperfection’

No – im not turning to keats and going on to tell you that theres some hot hunk in there making me smile to such tunes! Dont get me wrong 🙂 I swear I dint go in search for the person who produces the music – Guess the fun ends there! Coz now its not the musician but the music that’s doing the talking. We both are imperfect and incomplete in our own terms, we both have got an opening – a totally “unexpected” acquaintance.

I dont think or let me conveniently imagine that theres no one else but me who would care in this fast world, to stop with a cuppa to the first tunes of a guitar, get lost in dreams and draw smiles for those probably 5-10 minutes…Great music-thousand admirers -admitted, but lemme assume for these single stroke sounds…am the only one around. Likewise my nextdoor music there isnt any that I’ve got who would so smugly fit in those 10 minutes of my dawn to greet me with nothing but pleasantries. The rest of the day..Ive got a kiddo to cry for cars, hubby to crib for the cry, boss to bother about work and friends to blabber about the boss! But you’re the only one in this ‘fast life’ of mine whom i can completely call “music to my ears” 🙂

The minute my cup is empty I gotto rush for the days rigamarole, but those few minutes…I get with thee – my wee lill window music – is appreciated and treasured 🙂

August 14, 2012 Posted by | Uncategorized | 4 Comments

Zareee Zarree Mein Usi Ka Noor Hai

 

Dont ask me the connection – btwn the title and the blog! I see none worth mentioning. Let me know if you did though! Noor was in town and we were all over the city and we were in a delirious state!!!!! Little would I have thought back then, when were in college  – that i would be taking her around Bangalore in my Dio!!!.

10 years. 10 years had lapsed since we could hang out like this. Its not that we haven’t met in these 10 years, but then-priorities were different, situations were different. After college, we probably met, first with our husbands, then with our kids – dnt worry im not taking it to the next level of grandchildren yet. SO this was just OUR day. Noor, me,my DIO and 30-40 odd kms! Bengaluru just rocked. We had our old ambiance in place. The books, the subjects, the discussions, the professors and just the two of us zooming back to college days. Just that the drooling changed to memories of drooling – The discussion with professors became  more objective/result oriented, the coffee had a brand attached – but our hands clasped on to each other the same way it did some 10 years back.

Ohh I should mention the sumptuous meal we had at Udupi Krishna hotel Banaswadi – They started with a saada vada, then dahi vada, then came mago ras, puran poli, ven pongal, poori, kheer, sambar rice, curd rice and rasam rice (which we had to opt out due to lack of space) and banana and paan!!! More than me – guess for Noor who wasnt used to the karnataka style – this was a indeed a surprise menu – for a normal meal! My monthly quota of coffee shop visits were exhausted in a single day – coz that i believe is one good blessing of Bengaluru coz you had atleast one around every corner with plush seating and cool ambiance to spend your aftrnoons/evenings whatever.

I wasnt yet over with my Mumbai nostalgia. Its been years now and I probably am settling down in this city. Not that the roads especially in my area helped me in any which ways come over the feeling of repulsion either. But with her “awe”ing and “wow”ing at almost anything around the city, guess I have to come to accept that it is indeed a good place. Seeing the city through her eyes somehow lent beauty to the view.

Years, life and family – probably would take its toll on any friendship. The reason I covet this one bond is that – these factors somehow dint seem to factor in here. We for years have passed by without getting the time for a single call, and for days have ended up talking for hours every single day. I know and Im not shy to let her know that Im here no matter what and she knows and shes not hesitant to let me know the same. I believe there is no one else who could be confident to tell me – “you should make your own life and your immediate surroundings the first priority and not me”.

June 29, 2012 Posted by | Uncategorized | 3 Comments

Protected: An open letter to my dad….

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May 24, 2012 Posted by | Uncategorized | Enter your password to view comments.

The Three Musketeers in my house

Im skipping the usual no time to blog stuff – By now you get to realize that the time you get to deck up your own house is limited – leave alone blogging! And yes – comparitively the former hits the priority list or I’ll be thrown out of the members list back home! Whats more?! Im not cribbing as I should normally do (considering my dampened pessimism that keeps poking at odd hours). Im relishing the treat “The Three Musketeers” welcome me with – back home!

Should I bring in Athos, Porthos and Aramis and confuse you even more! Naahhh! Im just plain bored and out of wit and time for the whole effort 😀 Im sure you can relate much better if i just called them H-boy, Eby, and dad! 🙂 Disclaimer: The order in which I have mentioned them has nothing to do with alphabets, priorities or their respective roles in treating my momentibuds! It only has to do with plain, thoughtless hurried typing 😀 😀 :D.

And again, instead of going the clock-wise route let me start from evening – the minute i step in after a whole tiring day and a loooong and STUPID ride home(again nothing to do with my riding ma scooty as much as it has to do with the roads, the traffic and the prejudism against female drivers) – ok, no more deviations!!!

So as soon as I open the door ( my maid as a rule doesnt latch it-burglars kindly ignore!) H-boy( the first musketeer) from wherever he is will come running to look at my face – flash a mighty BIG smile and say “hhhaaiiiii” as if hes seen a box of chocolates (read- as if I saw a box of chocolates)! And? he runs in circles infront of me, probably to show the different styles in which he can – i seriously have no clue, but i realize its a ritual every single day now – 4 circles! Guess I’ll ask him when he grows up – as to what he intended! Perhaps hes imagining ramp walking (or ramp running?) in his head :D! Okay – after exactly 4 rounds – and no he hasnt learnt counting, hed stops where he is and then rushes to take his ‘football’. I would not yet have kept my Bags down, mesmerised by his ramp show, when he would hold my finger with one hand, his football on the other and say “ba, ba” and demand a game of football! If you arent all that new to this place you would by now understood the hilarity of me involving in games – No i dint mean Id be mistaken for a football..its my sense in games I was hinting at! If that wasnt all – quite sad at my height I had planned that Id teach ma kid – Basketball. Well he found this more interesting and I have no choice, but curse my genes or sympathize with his girlfriends if he doesnt touch 6 or atleast 5’10 :(.

So I set my bags on the Sofa, coz im not allowed to enter any further without kicking the ball around! (please!!! read with a straight mind! :D) and as I run around the house, “verbbbyyyyyyyy” My dad (the next musketeer :D) calls me from his room. 😀 Thats not what my Dad calls me – but im helping you to relate better you see 😀 😀 :D!. So inorder to avoid a scream, screetch and any other possible drama/violance I dont walk to my Dads room! I take the football game to the next level so that in a couple of minutes I reach Dads room!

Ball is in Dads court now! If i manage to step into my house before 9(which has become a rarity), my dad without any said rules or words insists on a small routine of sitting and chatting for 10-15 minutes. And man!!! Though I have admitted before everywhere that it was my dad who introduced me to reading, i havent till date realized his story telling capabilities. Back home, college days – few days when you get back from hostel all you concentrate on is food, food, food-period. Now, when I sit with him, the conversations often drifts to the olden days, or golden days. Little montages of our childhood, the stories of the so called famous neighbor (whose face Id have forgotten), little snippets of news from home – he has this talent of weaving dark humour into most of the not so harmful information he shares. Probably its his age, can be read as mine too – these lill chit chats – often leave me with a smile. Dot at 9, though he doesnt have a clock in that room of his, it would be time for him to sleep and I’d tuck him under the heavy blanket which he cant manage on his own at this age. And I continue the football back from his room to the hall. By now, H-boy has granted the 10 mins break and when I reach the hall, after another few rounds, Id get tad selfish and play some video songs on the laptop which will let him focus in that and I can do some stuffs of my own!

BUT if i thought I can rush to the bathroom for a quick shower, or even to wash my face?! NO! He will just not allow me to shut any sort of a door once i enter the house in the evening. Morning he is okay to part with me when I step out, but evening once I come back – im under his supervision every single second. you got doubts? go figure! or go give birth to a prankster! 😀

So all i can do even after deviating his attention from me, is to grab a bite/prepare chappathi. This break again spans not more than 1o-15 minutes, by then he’ll get bored of watching the songs alone! (After all it is the same set of video songs which is played for him day in day out!!!) So then ill start waltzing around the hall preparing for the arrival of my next and most important (kidakkatte oru soap) musketeer – Eby. So why do I waltz in the hall for his arrival? Well to clean up the mess my first musketeer would have managed to do by then. The morning news paper or rather every single page of the newspaper, the stuffs from the kitchen, water, his toys AND whatever he managed to reach out by climbing the stool and stretching his hands, H-boy inevitably displays all of them in the hall! Its his achievement for the day – not to forget the scribblings with crayons on the walls (NOW i understand house owners’ logic of not lending to families with kids!!!). If i clear up the mess in a normal way, H-boy will again get pissed! So – I pretend Im enjoying the same mallu songs BIG time day in day out, waltz according to the tunes (if uve heard – karthave ni kalppichappol, ente adukke vannadukkum pemparannole etc, u can guess! 😀 😀 :D). That eby tried making me listen to Beethoven while I was pregnant and downloaded these for the delivered kid is a completely different topic to debate on!. H-boy in his own fashion joins me in the waltz, often helping to add more to the mess I try to clear!

This little musketeer is one of the best things that could have ever happened to me! I wish it could be possible to capture every single moment for keeps! But it is not practically possible. The minute he sees camera/mobile he grabs and tries to click your snap! Bless Ebys genes for that! 🙂 The photographer son of the photographer dad – its quite natural I turn a model 😉 (of what is not a question to be raised here!). His style of running around the house, joy when hes naked! (NO – has nothing to do with either of our genes! 😀 😀 its the age they say 😉 ) his style of raising his eyebrows after a prank, his acting!! (covers his face with his hands and pretends to cry when I raise my voice and then looks between his fingers:D) his way of carrying the stool around the house, coz he has realized with that added height he can accomplish muchcchhh more! and so on and so forth. It is PURE entertainment the entire time I rollick with him, every single evening!!!

Then after the food and shower, hes lulled to sleep, when enters the third musketeer! Or sometimes lill before that. When he does come before that, our immediate mission in hand, would be lulling him to sleep! Again – leaving no chances to be secular or stereo typed – If its me who sings the lullaby it will ALWAYS be – “neela karmukil varnan” (Vimmuuu – no your guesses on my singing ability are not welcome here! The kid doesnt knw nethng yet :D) and at times when Im too tired and eby gets the chance it will be “kaaval maalagha maare” – For the non-malayalees who lost me there – one is a typical hindu song and another a xtian one! 😛 😀 :P…

Though I never miss a chance to put up a sulky face if Eby gets late, I must/ am forced to admit – he has shown extreme patience and tolerance towards the work pressure I handled in the last few days! Being the semi-feminist I am, I hate to admit that the ability to understand and fully co-operate and patiently helping your partner out of your office tensions is something endowed only to men! If he comes late – Id sulk – hes not gettng enuf time with me. If he attends to office calls/messages – even after cming home – he doesnt have time for me!!!! Id choke the poor thing out of his breath! For many days – I reached home around 9, then at times will have calls, then mostly Ill have to rush the next day. He never complained and when he saw I was breaking down, just sat with me and reasoned with me as to how I can handle this better! Over coffee and conversations sort the tensions out! AND he makes the coffee a lill tooo strong to the verge of bitterness, so im grabbing the credit away 😉 claiming to create better coffees! But the conversations – Im not claiming even a single drop of it – the credit is all his!!

So the three musketteers together are filling this momentivore’s plate with nostalgic cream, fun-filled crackers and brewing ethopian coffee. Not mentioning the punch dialogues, sour faces, sulking, screaming, blah blah blahs…it cant be real world otherwise i guess! They do treat me and thats all that matters!!!

December 19, 2011 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

Adieu My Friend…

5 ayurvedic spas(none of which Ive visited); 2 Malls (where I seldom go); 4 pubs (Ive just gone once in one of them!); 4 Major ice-cream outlets (Again perhaps wouldve visited once) Coffee day, Cuppa, Coffee n U, Bocca Grande, Kaapi Kadai (these for a change Ive visited – again – just visited once perhaps each of them! ; Kobe, sweet chariot, nilgiris, mom & me, fab india, talk about any famous names in Bangalore- its within 2 km radius -from this house! This new terrace Bistro…The elephant rogue is just behind our building! (Ive never stepped inside :D) Coming to parks – again there are atleast 5 of them in and around. Famous temples – 2!!!And….OOOOOOOhhhhhh a LOVELY crosswords, Just Books, and yea Landmark! Hospitals, school, police station, post office?! OMG the list is endless.

I might sound like Im bitten by the shopaholic bug,..but no –  i did point out that despite being thrilled about all those names, Ive hardly been there. The point is – In one year I was too busy to go anywhere, yet I was OVERJOYED with the fact that they are all near. Perhaps my mind wouldve thought, Id find time, once Im done with my chores. I end up spending almost 70% of my non-office hours in this stupidly shaped building called our home – in the most stupidly designed room called kitchen. But I remember falling in LOVE with this place the minute we came to see the house!

The ride was from this new found, custom-made for bachelors..dumb house – towards my then small office. Neither was I thrilled about my office which was more or less in the basement! Nor was I excited about the house. BUT…I was overwhelmed with the road you call 80ft road koramangala! Shady trees, temple AND famous joints and shops! It was a smooth blend of all. With music on, those were the best days of ‘walking to office’. I did thoroughly enjoy them!

Then, when I was left with my Dio – again I did explore and enjoy this place. That was just for a span of a few months but. With cab systems, pick ups and drops, I hardly saw the daylight except for the veggie shopping (again which was  just a hop away). Still, Im scared, tomorrow – I might miss this place like hell!

Everwhere – people talk about how cozy, comfortable and beautiful a home should be. For once reaching here – I was ready to compromise on anything just to hang on to this place. Some talk about the kind of community you live in..I have hardly made friends here -Ive become invisible even to my next door neighbor! Some say you stay in ANY place for smetime, youll get addicted to it. It only took a single ride for me to fall in place

Its just these roads, they pull me back! I was forcing my heart NOT to believe we are moving, even when we gotto know abt houses available tad further from here, I thought, Ill find here!..even when we talked abt it at home, my mind developed ideas of finding a house within this locality. To be frank even after giving the token money and pushing the owner to do the basic cleaning and repairing before we step in, NOW i have after thoughts to infact to be ready to waste the token money and grab a house if i get it here!

But again! Now the ball is in some other court. There is hardly anything that i can think of, except that – atleast that house is not built as dumb as this. While we were here – we deliberately kind of avoided friends barging in lest they run away seing the state of the house. There atleast theres some difference to it!

ohhh but i do feel like a lass who has to bid bye to her beau. Im sure this would haunt me even in my dreams…but I have no choice but to say bye…Adieu my friend, though my heart breaks to leave you, Im sure youll keep pulling me back…..

June 10, 2011 Posted by | Uncategorized | 8 Comments

The Garden!

Sitting wide awake at 1am..on a weekday..that too an exhaustive one..I wish I had the talent to paint a picture to ease myself. Talents – thats what they do I guess..Express – to put down the pain of the talented in such a way – as to bring out the awe from the admirer. If I attempt to do any such thing – Im sure the pain and awe will be there – for various reasons tho 😛

Im caught in the middle of a storm and Im trying NOT to touch the ‘touch-me-nots’ – thats pretty much what prompts me to yabber away like this in this wee hour. A storm of tumbling blocks. There is nothing I can do about it – nor am I gonna get hurt – but doesnt such a view trouble the hardest heart…If thats the storm and i helplessly sit and gaze there are these little touch me nots glaring at me – Its hilarious now – when I think of it – but at times it can also be quite unnerving.

If im to categorize people into flowers. ..

Some are like Roses – its so damn nice until you try plucking 😛 (quite heard of category), Some are like morning glories – Oh the initial rapport and ooof the later wrath :P. Some others like sunflowers – blooming where the sun shines…Oh yea – there are orchids – existing only where they are affordable.:P 😛 and i really dnt wanna go as much as carnivorous flowers.. gobbling its prey.

There are jasmines – bounding us in fragrance and beauty alike! Oh yea the ‘humble hibiscus’ – a resourceful bunch and not to forget the common – i am but nothing – dandelions. There are a few ‘lotuses’ symbolizing divinity and spreading across. Forget-me-nots – acquaintances that linger behind much longer than they have left us…Happy daisies-spreading smiles.

Of all things heard and seen – there is this pic that lures me. There are a couple of people who bring it back to my mind..there is this little inner yearning for it – The snowdrop. Subtle, silent and undisturbed.  There is nothing but the purity of its whiteness… A subdued innocent beauty!

April 7, 2011 Posted by | Uncategorized | 6 Comments